Mothering Myself
Hello MyYogaPal Community!
We’re so excited to post our first blog about “Mothers” from Erin Donovan. Her writing is deeply rooted. What I mean is she walks the talk!
Without further ado…
Learning To Mother Myself
by Erin Donovan
I'm incredibly fortunate. I have a very good mother. I was born and raised by a woman who always did her best with the skills that she had. The youngest of four kids, I have always known my mother loves me and wants what is best for me. But this blog isn't about my mother or the fact that I am also a mother. Instead, it's something fundamental that I realized I needed to learn to do for myself; mother myself.
If you've never heard that term before, it may sound odd, but I believe whether we are male or female, had a wonderful mother or not, we all need to learn how to mother ourselves. Mothering yourself in simple terms means nurturing yourself with unconditional love as you would others. It can be as simple as taking a few minutes daily for your favorite self-care activity. It doesn't have to be much. It doesn't have to cost you any money, but it should always be something that brings you total joy.
When the world shut down in 2020, I went into "people-pleasing mode." I was asking, "How can I support you?" I began hosting free online workshops on stress and anxiety, meditation challenges and offering Yoga classes to anyone who asked for my help. I showed up to serve, and serve I did. By the end of 2020, I had hit a wall. I was burnt out, depleted, and running on empty. In-person classes always filled my cup, but when classes resumed with social distancing and masks, they weren't growing. I began to slide into a familiar dark hole. I felt like a failure. I know that's just my ego, but sometimes we listen when our ego runs amok. I believed that unless I was teaching Yoga and meditation, I had nothing else to offer anyone. It's sad to admit that, but it is my truth. That belief system was built two decades ago, and I relied on it without even realizing it. 2021 brought it right up to the surface, and I had to look at it.
One of my favorite quotes is 'If you're feeling helpless, help someone.' by Aung San Suu Kyi. So, over the next year, I struggled but found different ways to serve and fill my soul. I primarily got off social media, so I wouldn't compare myself to others and began volunteering with a local rescue. Through this different work, I realized the one person I had been neglecting to mother was myself. I also needed to break down and rebuild my entire belief system. Instead of "people-pleasing," which has always been my natural nature, I had to practice having solid boundaries, let go of toxic relationships that were causing me mental harm, and learn to truly embrace saying 'no' when I didn't want to do something without feeling guilty.
When we learn to mother ourselves, we begin to make ourselves a priority. Not in a selfish way, but in an unapologetic healthy way. As flight attendants say on airplanes, "Put your oxygen mask on before helping someone else." The idea is the same. So when I show up in the world and take the best care of myself, I am more positive, vibrant, and honest. I believe that positivity will have a ripple effect on everyone I meet.
Credit: “Mothering Myself” by Crystal Charlotte Easton