A Personal Journey of Surrender

Hello!

You will enjoy this blog about surrender from Jenna Outwater. She writes openly about her exploration of surrender, guided by wise words from Lesley’s “Glow” Program that are 30 minute classes.

Jenna is a MyYogaPal member on the journey of connecting to her authentic self, the natural world around her, and cultivating open and honest communication and relationships

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I can’t pinpoint where the phrase came from but “Never surrender!” reminds me of a sort of battle cry of sports, school, personal goals, and professional goals and  settings. Never surrendering, at first,  can sound like an accomplishment to be celebrated, a standard, a recipe for success. At this point in my life,though,  I'm not so sure I buy this outdated notion anymore. Surrender can't be all bad, right?  In one of her Glow classes, Lesley Fightmaster, states that…

“Surrendering allows you to release your struggle”

Surrender can be scary. It can feel powerless and impossible. And I am just beginning to explore its waters.  After surrendering to the fact (sort of)  that I needed to enter intensive treatment for an eating disorder, I started to see how surrender can be a healer and a powerful force.

For me, the beginning of surrender looked like letting other people help me, not white-knuckling and death gripping ideas, habits, and opinions that were no long serving me, beginning to open my mind, or better yet, starting to find out  where mind was closed and I didnt even know it. Surrender has no definite shape or step-by-step plan, and its looks and manifests differently for every person and every situation.

Now, realizing that I need  a lot more of this surrender stuff in my life, I am taking the practice into my yoga practice. Or, let me rephrase that, I am beginning to try to bring surrender into my yoga practice.  And it is a struggle.  

I would love to be able to  report that I am a mindful, disciplined, yogi that enjoys every moment on the mat in a peaceful, present manner.  But that would be a big lie. I get on the mat and my mind continues to race and I continue to be harassed by my own ceaseless thoughts.

Soon, after I realize this is happening, I find myself criticizing myself for my lack of focus, and lamenting my lack of ability to find peace and serenity in yoga. I believe you can imagine where it goes from there. I have trouble surrendering to the poses, the breath, the stillness, the repetitiveness, and even to the idea that I am allowed to be calm during a yoga class.

But, I know I am not alone in this. And, sometimes begrudgingly, I know that continuing to practice surrender in yoga poses and breath will slowly teach me how to surrender to other thoughts or factors in my life that are only bringing me suffering with my continued disgruntled struggle, even with simple everyday things, like allowing myself a few minutes to unwind and rest, or take nap. 

Surrender is an essential part of your practice, and it’s a good thing. It can be scary to release control, but when you do, you allow the flow of the universe to guide you and you release your struggles. - Lesley Fightmaster (from “Glow” 30 Minute Practices")

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Thank you Jenna. You’re amazing!